So.....I think I've had some fear lately. Move in is Friday, followed by the Parent Expo, cookout Saturday, bowling Sunday, book tables, pizza feed, hayride, and Sunday Night....and we've been excited about it all. We've got some serious expectation that God is already showing up at BSU and there will be a lot of hungry students...
and the thought always comes, "maybe more than you can handle."
Side story: We signed up for a fitness challenge at Snap Fitness this month. We have really felt as a family that we need to get in better shape- stronger. The challenge includes nutrition training, 2 classes a week, and a personalized work out regime for the rest of the week. Our trainer, after hearing my goals, gave me a lifting schedule, and I like lifting, so no big deal. But on day three, he showed up and coached me through my lifting session.
And I cried.
Ya, totally, I did. Not in front of him, in front of my friend Melissa who is my training partner and, as Elijah would say, "awesome-sauce" friend. I had no idea why I cried, and I pulled it together quick and grabbed the weights I was looking for and went back in. He was asking me to "deadlift" - if you don't know what that is,
check this out. Basically, you bend over at the waist, grab a heavy weight, and lift it straight up. It's scary to me because I'm always really careful about how I bend & lift, having wound up in chiropractors offices in spasm-ing pain because I've lifted incorrectly. And because I've neglected my body for twenty years, for the most part. Our trainer is a talented guy and he knows his stuff. But he was asking me to deadlift 135 pounds on my first try, WAY out of my "comfort zone." He keeps insisting that I can do tons more than I think, and that I need to get rid of the "attitude" and just do this thing. Once I talked him into letting me start lower so I could at least feel comfortable with the form of deadlifting, we settled on 95 pounds. I didn't think I could do that. That's when I cried. But I did it. Then he had me do squats with 115 pounds on my back on a barbell. Freaked me out. I backed out of it twice. But I did it, and although it was uncomfortable, it didn't hurt. He says I didn't even touch what I am capable of.
Isn't that just funny. I wonder how many times God looks at us like "what the heck are you so worried about? You've totally got this!" Hm. Just like my trainer kept looking at me....like he just couldn't understand what I was freaking out about. He has a lot more faith in me than I do.
Fast forward to today. We are in service, at a pre-service prayer meeting. I am on the worship team, leading a song. As we are praying, I am feeling this expectation of God doing really good things in our church, our community, our campus- and something else resisting that. I asked the Lord about it and I felt him say that I had "positioned myself to
not expect to receive anything- from the Lord or anyone else- at 'church.'" Wow. I had no idea I was doing that. So after I got rid of that attitude and thanked the Lord for renewing hope and expectation, one of the elders stood up and basically said "Phil and Michelle, I want us to pray for you and bless you as you go into this school year. As ministers, you are always giving and giving, and we want to pray for the strength you will need to do this year well." Something to that effect. I was floored. I had just gotten rid of the lack of expectation of anything good, and this guy is blessing us and our ministry.
Then, right before worship started, I went to hug Melissa. She asked how I was, and I told her my back hurt, because it did- lower and mid. I thought it was sore from lifting, but it's been sore a lot lately. All the time. It was a passing comment, nothing big.
But after the first song, our worship leader Justin stopped and said he felt that God was wanting to heal back pain today- lower and middle. Did anyone have any back pain? (He wasn't there when I told Melissa my back hurt)
Hello.
So Melissa came and prayed for me- and she said this: "You will not buckle under this weight." She said a lot of other things, and her husband said we were moving into a new season, which I have felt for a long time- so cool- but the buckling under the weight thing really hit the nail on the head. God is amazing. Whatever is going on spiritually, He seems to mirror in the natural. So I am freaking out at the gym because I am scared I am going to buckle under the weight of - the weights - and in the spiritual, I have been afraid that what is coming is more than I can handle. My heart was beginning to understand something that my mind hadn't grasped yet. I love it when that happens. You know something good is coming.
And then, to top it all off, our pastor speaks on Joshua being "strong and very courageous" and reminding us that the Jordan River didn't part until they stepped into it. And that if we don't do what God has called us to do because of fear, it's the same as rebellion. Because it's saying He isn't enough.
This is true for lifting the dead, and for deadlifting, both. We don't have to "handle" anything. We get to love a generation, help them learn to manage themselves well, and have the courage to step into their Jordan River with boldness.
Echo all this for Phil, just so you know. We talked all this through after service. He said, "go write it down!" So I am. And since you're our support team and friends, I thought I'd share with you.
We are so encouraged, moving into this new season. We have promises that we will not buckle under the weight of it- both physically and spiritually- and that this new season will be full of expectation and support. Our church is excited to work with us, our Chi Alpha committee has given every campus start up funds, God has enabled us to raise extra to replace parts of our sound system (I only have $900 to go!!), and our own budget raising is moving forward. We are in a good place, and really looking forward to what our "new normal" will be in a few weeks.
Pray for us, will you? We will update as much as we can over the next few weeks- because we have GREAT expectations!!!
LOVE YOU! Us Thoofts
